Let’s Be Real, shall we?
Nothing is more honest than desire.
The things we crave and long for -the things we’re up googling late at night - tell us the truth, a confession that the heart reveals to the head. But I think you know this already. It’s why you’re reading this now.
Of course the paradox is, in the pursuit of truth, we all have our little secrets. And why not? They are an inextricable feature of the human condition; the key to deciphering the truest and most elusive version of ourselves.
In the realm of the senses, I find the truest version of me.
The insistent pull of the drums when I dance to salsa, the forceful pleasure of a naked dip in the cold ocean. The unadulterated joy of a beautful suite with a giant bathtub; the silk lining of a little black dress sliding across my hips; the ache that comes with prolonged bouts of the giggles; the spark of electricity when you lean over our drinks to brush hair off my face. The moments in which we, a pair of former strangers, feel that undeniable, visceral shift in energy.
I’ve always wanted more of everything.
More adventure, more excitement, more stamps in my passport.
I want the band to do multiple encores, and I want more from dinner parties than ‘so, what do you do?’ A true ambivert, I have always sought more friendship AND more solitude than most people I know. I want more depth, as well as more speed. (One of my earliest memories is of a man telling me that no, the fairground carousel could not go any faster just for me.)
Some people in my life have told me that ‘more’ is not available, to revise my expectations; to settle, to practice the art of being satisfied with the green grass I’m already sitting on. But I’m a big believer in the idea that wanting more is actually good for us - as long as the ‘more’ we seek is meaningful to us. And if you ask me, it’s ok to break a couple of rules along the way.
My longing for more in the search for desire and connection led me away from the conventions of monogamous dating, and my insistence on more in the search for choice and freedom in life eventually led me to do some late-night googling of my own. And now, some years after searching ‘London independent escort’ and thinking ‘if they can do it, why the hell can’t I?’ I’ve ended up in a place that’s the perfect fit for me.
To hell with rules.
